


for i´m so scared of losing you.

by vicbartons



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, M/M, Seizure, based on future spoilers, health crisis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 11:01:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15862287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vicbartons/pseuds/vicbartons
Summary: Robert drops to the floor with a loud thud and takes Aaron´s heart right down with him.





	for i´m so scared of losing you.

**Author's Note:**

> short little drabble based on the spoilers for week 37  
> title from agape by bear´s den

Robert drops to the floor with a loud thud and takes Aaron´s heart right down with him.

Three seconds ago they’d been just fine. Screaming and fighting, all red faces and sharp tongues, but fine nonetheless. Because Robert was a stubborn little so-and-so on his best days; obsessive, morbidly single-minded and buried under a hundred layers of self-crimination on his worst. So if Aaron grabbing him by the shoulders and huffing at him was what it took for his husband to take care of himself and realise that no one would be helped if he worried himself sick, then that was exactly what Aaron was going to do.

But that was three whole seconds ago and now Robert is lying on the floor, convulsing like a fish out of water, teeth clattering and limbs shaking, desperately trying to get air in his lungs and Aaron doesn’t know what to do.

For a while, everything slows down and all he can hear is the way Robert´s arm keeps knocking back and forth. The low, irregular thumping of it thrashing against the leg of their sofa the only thing Aaron can hear. But it sounds far away, like someone´s stuck cotton wool into his ears. 

Somehow the noise ends up settling in his bones, deep and unwavering, until Aaron can feel his own hands start to shake.

“Robert?”

It´s a small little thing he breathes out.

As if screaming it would make this nightmare more real.

Aaron doesn’t even know how, but suddenly he’s on the ground next to Robert - reaches out, but doesn’t touch - while a steady flow of pleas and nos keeps falling from his lips. There´s a low whimper mixed into it all. An odd one he can’t quite place. It reminds him of the noises Clyde used to make when he would sit him down on the operating table at Paddy’s, the dog looking up at him with wide eyes like the syringe in the vet’s hand was to bring about the end of the world.

The even odder thing is that it isn’t coming from Robert, but from Aaron himself.

He thinks he can hear Liv on the phone behind him, but it's hard to make out her words. It feels like there's a thick fog wrapped around him, keeping the rest of the world from properly reaching his ears. The only thing in focus is Robert, fitting and shaking and breaking Aaron´s heart into a hundred million tiny pieces. He finds himself thinking that he hopes Liv´s calling an ambulance. Someone should call an ambulance. Dear god, why hasn’t he called an ambulance yet?

But he still doesn’t move. Doesn’t pull his phone out of his back pocket. 

Finds he can´t.

Instead, Aaron simply keeps kneeling on the cold hardwood floors of the Mill. His left hand resting on his thigh, fingernails digging themselves deep into the flesh there, while his right hand is hovering over Robert´s face. He wants to touch him. Desperately. Wants to run his fingers through the blond fringe and down his husband´s face. Wants to caress his cheek to let him know that he’s going to be alright. That he isn’t alone. That Aaron´s right there next to him. Always. But he holds back in fear of making things even worse. 

Finally, Robert seems to slow down. His limbs are still shaking, fingers twitching, but the movements are becoming less jagged. No longer making it seem as if Robert´s about to snap himself in two.

Aaron takes a breath and let´s his eyes wander just to make sure. As he takes in his husband from head to toe, he finds dark stains splattered all over Robert´s favourite dress shirt.

It´s the first time Aaron even notices that he’s been crying.

“Aaron?” Liv. Shy and quiet and with her voice shaking.

“Aaron!”

It’s the hand on his shoulder that finally makes him turn around and look up at her, the girl´s red-rimmed eyes probably a mirror image of his own.

“There’s an ambulance on the way, Aaron. He’s going to be alright, okay?” Liv let´s her thumb draw little circles against his shoulder blade, but her grip is tight like she´s grounding herself. Like she needs her brother there to hold herself upright.

“I can’t lose him, Liv.” It’s not just a truism, but a cold hard fact.

Just leaving Robert almost broke him last time. Almost broke them both.

“I can’t.”

Liv tries for a smile and digs her fingers deeper into his sweater. Determinedly, she shakes her head no, “We won't.”

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr [@vicbartons](https://vicbartons.tumblr.com/)


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